There I am

I’m sitting here in my freshly put back together living room and thinking about all the resolution-y things that keep scrolling across my feeds today. Goals and plans and coming out of the gate strong and change and manifesting and commitment and overcoming fear and and and … and I’m tired just thinking about it. I mean, that’s a lot of changes to be made! And I wonder, as I meander through the same things over and over — at what point did being who we are become not “enough”? At what point did we decide that there’s something wrong with the “us” that exists now?

I’m not knocking anyone’s resolve to improve their lives or their happiness or their circumstances, I think it’s great. I was that girl for a long time. But if 2019 has taught me anything it’s this — who we are, right here in this moment, is OK. Running and running trying to be “more” isn’t for me. To do more, be more, work more, reach for more is exhausting and while it may eventually lead to “more”, is that more really what I need?

I was forced to sit still last year, really still, and the quiet was full of lessons. About what makes me happy. About the vital nature of meeting my own needs before I can meet anyone else’s. About true friendships. About the energy it takes to fully invest in people and the bandwidth that leaves for the rest. About turning the losses and setbacks into lessons. About actions and activities that feed your soul compared to ones that steal your joy. About pruning commitments and people. About finding God in the crazy, and learning to make time for Him in the quiet. About obedience. And asking for help. And about the equal amounts of joy and pain that make life so, so very beautiful.

And after all that, I’ve come up with my own plan for 2020: to be more of ME, because I believe that “me” and “you” and all of “us” are already who we are meant to be. Our likes and our dislikes. Our strengths and our weaknesses. Our joy and our pain. It’s all part of who we were designed to be.

Sure – maybe we could stand to be a bit less jiggly, or a bit more patient, or a lot more organized – but deep down, that person you see first thing in the morning in the mirror, stripped of the hair and the makeup and the trappings of success – that’s who you are.

There you are.

THERE. I. AM.

And I think she’s enough already.

So here’s to my year of me. Loving well. Living wisely. Learning as it comes. And remembering, every morning, that the girl in the mirror doesn’t need to work to please anyone. Because who she is is already enough.

Happy New Year indeed. To all of us.

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